The ball has dropped and people are excited about the new year. Social media is inundated with posts for a healthier and better you, and one of the big topics for January is organization. I wish the word “organization” conjured up positive mental images in my head, of a perfectly organized home or the newest organization item I was adding to our home. However, organization for me is a word of anger, resentment, frustration — a trigger word if you will. While for anyone else it is simply a word, for me it is a strong word, and it has been wrecking my life.

BACKGROUND

How did I get here? Why is this such a strong negative word for me? Here’s the root of my problem: I am a creative person who wants to be organized, who at times keeps up the appearance of being organized (especially as a teacher and now as a mom), who wants organized structures in place, but is terrible at follow-through. For example, when I was little my mom would ask me to clean my room.  I couldn’t just do a clean sweep of the room though; I had to go through and turn out drawers and “organize” everything into groups or parts. It would take forever. But the problem was that two days later, after I had “organized” everything, I would have turned it into a total disaster.

As a student, I wasn’t really organized at school either. I would find myself many times taking a binder and reorganizing it, because I had papers stuffed everywhere. I would attempt to organize my binders, but it didn’t always suit me. I thankfully very rarely actually lost any papers, they were all usually in my binder…somewhere.

BEING ON MY OWN

After college, I accepted my first teaching job. In a classroom, organization is paramount for keeping a room running. I had visualized where I wanted things to go and I had places for everything. Yet, some how, at the end of the day after the students had cleaned up and left, I always found myself spending a lot of time organizing all the content I had gotten out during the day’s lessons. I thought that was OK, since I had things ready for the next day, students knew where to put their things, and there was only occasionally the lost paper which would eventually be found.

My home was a completely different story, especially during the workweek. My home was my place of refuge. There were at times piles of papers that needed graded or papers for creating lessons strewn throughout my house. However, the weekend came, I would have a breath of air, and I would clean up. It was time-consuming, but it worked for me.

NEW STAGES IN LIFE

Then about ten years ago the wheels fell off, and man I have been struggling ever since. Well, OK, the wheels didn’t really fall off, I just got a reality check.  I had these amazing people put in my life, and they asked some hard questions that forced me to stop and reevaluate this whole organization thing.

So what happened? Marriage and a job change. Let’s begin with marriage. I am married to an amazing man, and I am so thankful for him, he has taught me a lot. However, to say those first few years did not have some challenges: Well, that would be a lie. For some reason, my engineer husband is more of an A type personality than me when it comes to organization and overall house cleanliness. For example, I can leave a piece of paper, or a whole pile of papers on the floor for a week, but then I will be worried if the dishes don’t get done or wonder if the bathrooms have been scrubbed. My husband would like things to at least be picked up. Let’s say there were some disagreements on how to do things. My home where I could come home and be a slob essentially, didn’t work anymore.

Meanwhile, at school I had an administrator who was dropping by my classroom through-out the beginning of the year. She noticed some things, like the layout and organization of my classroom. Things I hadn’t noticed, and she was helpful, because I couldn’t see it. I was in survival mode, as I was teaching a new grade at a new school. The administrator had a friend, an organization guru, come and help me “organize” my classroom. I did learn several things both from my husband and the organizational guru, but my pride was hurt. I went from feeling ok about myself, to feeling defeated. To repeating phrases like, “If only I were more organized.”

MOVING FORWARD

I wish the story ended here. I could say I got it together and I am proud to say I am an organized person. I don’t leave any piles of things around the house and everything in our home has a place. Wrong! It has gotten worse in some ways, if you can believe it. In my world, organization takes time. My husband and I have two cute, amazing little boys, and they only add to the mess. For example, you can organize an unlocked drawer in your home and then your toddler comes in and happily pours all the contents onto the floor. Also, by the time I clean up the house, I am not left with a ton of time for myself. Therefore, I have less time to put my things away. I do go through the house and clean out things and organize, but with two little boys it doesn’t always stay that way.  I find myself scurrying around trying to grab things and not be late with two boys in tow. Other times, I find myself scrambling the day before someone comes over, trying to get things cleaned up before they arrive. I want to be more organized, but it doesn’t seem to be working, yet.

ORGANIZATION: A NEW HOPE

So here it is, this year, 2019, I am going to work on organization. I can stay in my defeatist mentality, of “if only I was more organized,” then I wouldn’t be messy or late. However, I think there are things I can start doing now, so I am not just surviving this mom gig, but doing well in it. I am going to step into this year and pick something small. Organization can be a beautiful word, and I am going to embrace it!

My plan? Less is more. A couple years ago on my road to organization, I read Marie Kondo’s The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up, and went through our home and got rid of a lot of things. This month I am going to take 30 minutes a day and go through something, a drawer or closet, and get rid of things that, as Kondo writes, “don’t bring me joy.”

Secondly, I am going to work with my organized husband and see if we can find solutions as a team for areas where I keep failing, like trying to help find kids shoes so we can leave in the morning. The shoes keep moving around the house as if they have feet of their own, and we need to create a home for them.

Lastly, I am going to be ok with not doing this organization thing well all of the time, but making progress towards a goal. The goal is to truly be more organized, so I can help my family and they can help me. A more organized home is going to be a place of refuge for everyone.

TO WRAP THINGS UP IN AN ORGANIZED FASHION

I really have enjoyed listening to Rachel Hollis’ book, Girl Wash Your Face. I want to leave you with my mantra for myself this year via her words, “Comparison is the death of all joy, and the only person you need to be better than is the one you were yesterday.” So here we go organization, you are not my doom. One day at a time, I will do small actionable steps to get to a more organized home, a home with more peace, and home for more creativity and joy. Here’s to the new year, and here’s to organization!